How can I forgive my husband?

Three weeks after my husband came home from Iraq I found out that he has been having an affair for the past five years with a girl fourteen years younger than us. He even took her to meet his mother and sister. He says he's sorry and ashamed of himself now. He broke things off with this girl and has quite drinking. I don't know how to let it go.How can I forgive my husband?
It has only been three weeks. It's far to early to 'let go'. This was a major emotional trauma and will take time and lots of energy from both of you to rebuild trust and recover. It is not realistic to think you can just forget, this was real and it has to be dealt with. He betrayed your trust and lived a lie for five years. Something within HIM was lacking and he needs to address his own problems.





At three weeks, you are lucky to be able to even think straight, still in shock from such a heartbreaking discovery. You must be on a major emotional rollercoaster at this point.





Your husband needs to start this recovery process by removing the third party from your marriage completely. Ending all contact with her.


If he had a drinking problem, then he needs to seek help to keep himself from falling to those temptations again. Individual counseling and joint/marriage counseling may be helpful. It may take trying more than one counselor to find one that is experienced and has the goal to help save your marriage. (Not all do). It will take time to rebuild trust. Your husband will have to earn that trust by being open and honest with you.





There is no quick fix. Marriages can survive this horrible trauma, but it takes lots of work from both to rebuild from the damage.





Some resources that might help:





A good book:


';Not Just Friends'; by S. Glass





A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES about affair recovery. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files.





http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTal鈥?/a>





A few other helpful sites:





http://www.dearpeggy.com/





http://marriagebuilders.com/





http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/





Some support groups for those dealing with infidelity that you may find very helpful:





http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/





http://survivinginfidelity.com/





An ebook written for the former wayward spouse, to help them understand what is needed to help the betrayed spouse and earn trust again.


http://aftertheaffair.net/How can I forgive my husband?
Girl that's something that no one can ever replace you cant forgive that for 5 yrs hell na. He made vowels to you he broke them. Am sorry but if you love someone you would not cheat on them once a cheater always a cheater remember that and if he's been with her for 5 yrs I promise that things are not left alone with them. They still have some unfinished things.


That's something that you cant forgive and forget. I would leave him I know it will be hard but it's the right thing to do. If you don't than your just a doormat to him am sorry for what's happen to you.
You don't need to let ';it'; go ... you need to let ';him'; go. Five years, five minutes, it doesn't matter. The trust is gone, with no trust there's nothing else. He's ashamed now that he's home, but where was the shame for five years? Where was the shame when this girl met other members of his family? You can do SO MUCH BETTER if you allow yourself to walk away. I've heard of this situation a few times now. These guys think because they're overseas, fighting for our country, they are allowed some extra-curricular activities. NO WAY!! Would you forgive him if he were working close to home at a regular job? Just because he was overseas doesn't give him any special right. Vows are vows and he broke them, and not just once. Five years while you were here keeping everything together for him and being faithful to him. That's the thanks you get? Have some self-respect and walk away with some dignity.
im sorry to say but i would leave him . i have told my husband many time that i love him but the only 2 things that would make me leave him is abuse or cheating. wow having an affair for 5 years is nothing to just get over . its not like it was a 1 time stupid thing .... 5 years! i know i would have to let him lose cause even if i tried i would never want him to touch me again cause everytime we would say something sweet or touch me i would be thinking.... ';did he say or do that to her?';. my heart hurts for you but hopfully you can move on. and how dare he have her meet his mom and her not tell you i would be more than p*ssed!
For the past 5 years? I don't think so, screw that! I would have left, and the fact that mom and sis didn't say anything to you in 5 years is just disrespect! Don't, that's unforgivable, that's not some fling, that's dedication to a lie. But if you want to, forgive him, you'll never be able to fully let it go. That's a steep betrayal.
I have no advice for you because I wouldn't be able to let it go either. Do you have to let it go? I guess if you love him %26amp; want to stay together I would recommend some intensive individual and couples therapy. My sister %26amp; her husband were separated for a year. They've been back together for 2 years and I know she still has angry feelings toward him. How could you ever trust him again?
my hubby cheated on me before we got married i let it go but my story is much different he only had 1 affair and did not want to make the little slut apart of his family. in your situation i would honestly say its going to be really hard to get past the facts like it was most likley an emotional affair, he introduced her to his parents, and it went on for 5 years! and your were married while he was doing this witch means hes got no respect for your vows
Well, that depends on whether you still want him.


Ask yourself what is more important your hurt feelings


or your husband.





If you still want him then you need to get into marriage


counseling immediately. And that means both of you together.


If you don't find a release for the hurt and the pain you will


eventually kill this relationship anyway.









Maybe you can both go to marriage counseling. Sounds like he was really planning on making this lady part of his life permanently. Perhaps he realized what a mistake he made then changed his mind. Perhaps he is lying to you still. Check into it. For that, in my personal opinion, I'm not sure I could forgive.
Hi


I know what you are going threw my husband did the same thing but for me its been 7 years for me you will never forget and you will never trust my life was full of pain this person was 22 years old we had been married for 21 years when he did this to me my daughter help her dad I can't trust her either now we are going on 26 years of marriage and the pain is gone but I will never be able to trust him 100 per cent


I guess what help me was I need all my question answer.


I know some of it would be painful but I couldn't go on with out knowing I fought for our marriage because some little young person was not going to take my life I gave up alot to be with this man.


I love him. so for your question you have to ask your self is your marriage worth fighting for if not then go out and fine you again


we seem to lose our self in our married life.


I take care of my self more and know that if this ever happen again I could leave this man and not look back so good luck on your marriage and if you want to talk just e-mail


deseriefernandez@yahoo.com
i'm sorry he did this


he can't love you and treat you like this, he knew you would find out, so he confessed


i cant tell you how to ';forgive him';, because there's not a good way to do it... my advice is divorce him, because i know from experience, Once a Cheater ALWAYS a Cheater
If an affair lasted for 5 years, including introduction to his family, it may be time to walk away. If you forgive him, you will always wonder if he will stray or lie again. On his behalf, he did go to war and he may have changed so it may be worth another try.
WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE MILITARY MEN CHEATING ON THIER WIFE?!? CAN YOU MEN NOT CONTROL WANTING ANOTHER FEMALE WHEN YOU ARE AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE?





pinto drivin' SOB: Dang your dumb. That's not a smart excuse to use. But you are one of those military guys that just doesn't know any better. Whatever! Don't try, and defend the cheaters on here! They have no respect for thier wife!
Leave him!!





Just ME: you should look at it from both points of view, not your egotistical feministic direction. a guy leaves for 4-15 months and he comes home to a dear john letter.














WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE MILITARY MEN CHEATING ON THIER WIFE?!? CAN YOU MEN NOT CONTROL WANTING ANOTHER FEMALE WHEN YOU ARE AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE?
Wow that is a lot to swallow. The affair is one thing taking her to meet his family is another. Are you sure they are broken up? How about some counseling. You may be able to forgive but may not be able to forget. Good luck!
EXCUSE ME!!!! Let ';it'; go! I think you need to let ';HIM'; go!
you don't!



listen to your heart. it's the only way.